With apologies to Steve Berry’s “I am Not an Ambulance Driver,” here’s a story from Las Vegas.
It’s Friday, my friend and I go down to the pool to have a few beers and take in some sun before going out to the Jeff Beck concert, and then heading home the next day. I bring my backpack with me, and place my wallet in the backpack rather than leave it in the room. I was at the pool the day before and was able to secure a lounge chair in the first row along the pool so I could always see my backpack when I was in the water or over at the bar line. But when we get down there all the chairs in the first line are taken, so we have to grab two from the second line. The problem is of course, I won’t be able to see my backpack if I go in the water. It will be ripe for getting lifted. So while my friend watches the backpack, I go and get us some beers, and then we sit back and get some sun. Then I see two people get up from some front line chairs and leave, so we grab our stuff and quickly claim the chairs. To our right are two women vacationing we soon learn from from Green Bay. They each have two drinks in large coconut shaped souvenir holders, that are reminiscent from a scene from Austin Powers. They immediately notice our presence and perhaps believing we have been scooping them out, turn their attention to us. My friend, who is very personable, immediately gets involved in a discussion with them, and soon they are chatting away about the great weather, the shows in town, the best buffets, the night life. The women mention their desire to going to a club called Tabbo that night. Now my friend is happily married and I am in a committed relationship. But I am getting the strong sense these two women, each a definite candidate for the bariatric ambulance, are in to the “What Happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas” scene. Then they ask us what we are doing in town. My friend mentions the EMS convention. Really? Emergency Medical Services? Are you doctors?
“No,” I say. “He’s an EMT and I’m an Ambulance Driver. He does all the blood and guts and gore stuff, and me I drive like wind. I hit those sirens on and the traffic parts like the Red Sea. Like I’m Moses himself. Yee-Haw! It’s the life for me!”
Two minutes later they excuse themselves. Nice talking to you.
“Well, you blew it with those chicks,” my friend jokes. “Should have told them we were trauma surgeons.”
As I mentioned the Jeff Beck concert that night was great. I found this video clip of Beck playing a “Day in the Life” which was the highlight of the show for me.