The early returns are in. Heroin addicts in the greater Hartford area have cast two votes for Donald Trump (Using empty heroin bags I found in an area commuter lot as a proxy).
Questions. Did the dealer stamp half his bags with Donald Trump and the other half with Hillary Clinton in order to provide proper choice to all his clients. I got Clinton and I got Trump, what do you want? You’re a libertarian? F-you. Its Trump or Clinton, make up your mind or move along!” If he only has Trump and the user is a Hillary Supporter, does the Clinton backer say, “Well, I’ve got the shakes and I’m gonna be sick, but under no circumstances will I buy Donald Trump heroin. Guess I’ll have to just deal with withdrawal on my own or until my dealer gets some Hillary in.
When given a choice between the two, who would you expect a heroin user to really prefer? The candidate who promises hard time for drug offenses? Or the one who promises free room and board at a rehab facility of their choice? A possible fellow criminal or a fellow non-taxpayer? Did this heroin user or users even know who Donald Trump is? Is the heroin user a business professional who had to shoot up in the commuter lot to have the strength to go to work? Or did they meet their dealer on their lunch hour? Or were they divorced and out work and living out of their car because heroin had caused them to throw everything precious to them away in pursuit of the next fix? Do they say to the dealer “F -Donald Trump and F-Hillary Clinton, I just want the heroin.”
Let’s say the dealer only has Donald Trump. So what was he thinking? In what way is the dealer using Donald Trump for his heroin marketing? Does he really love Donald Trump and think Trump is an marker for excellence in the same way some dealers put A+, check mark, “Great job!” or a light bulb on their bags? Maybe the dealer thinks Trump represents a strong military so instead of putting an AK47 or Trojan helmet he puts Donald Trump. Maybe because of Trump’s casinos, he fits in with the gambling theme seen on so many bags like Money Bags, Black Jack and Lucky 7? Maybe he is putting Trump on his heroin bags in the same way other dealers put on the Grim Reaper, Bio Hazard and Skull and Cross Bones? Or maybe he stamps “Donald Trump” on the bags to send the same message other dealers send when they put OMG on theirs? Maybe his pitch is simply “Trump — it will F-you up!”
Ah, to be omnipotent and all-knowing.
Come election day we’ll see if the heroin bag indicator proves to be a positive or negative forecast, and in the meantime, you can count on Medicscribe to keep you updated on the latest counts.