Uptick

For the first time in 13 days, Connecticut COVID hospitalizations went up not just statewide, but in each of its three biggest counties.  Hopefully this is just a blip, and not the start of a new trend.  I know at our hospital, many of the recent admissions have not been new cases of COVID, but people who are known COVID positives who have been trying to take care of themselves at home, and many days into their illness are feeling sicker and are scared of what might be happening to them.

In other news, the governor announced to no one’s surprise that schools in the state would not reopen this year.  With the announcement came the end to spring sports — a season that never started.  I feel bad for all those who would have played.

Last night my daughters wanted to watch a good sports movie.  I made the wrong move by suggesting “Million Dollar Baby” a great Clint Eastwood/Hilary Swank boxing film that won Best Picture in 2004.  While a great movie, I had completely forgotten how it ended.  My youngest daughter expecting to see the girl boxer win in Rocky style was traumatized to watch Hilary Swank be paralyzed by a cheap shot in her title bout, develop bed sores, lose her leg and then have to ask Clint Eastwood to unplug her which he does.  My daughter wept uncontrollably at the female boxer’s death and I felt so bad for her as I held her in my arms and tried to console her.

Today most of the COVID news I read was grim, with many articles stressing that we are still so early in this pandemic.

I admit to feeling depressed.  I haven’t been able to swim for some time and as a result, the numbness in my legs is worse.  I wanted to start running again, but my legs feel too heavy.  I am trying to remember to take the stairs instead of the elevator at work, and I feel old when I come out on the top floor and my face mask in moving in and out as my breathing becomes heavier.

I find myself constantly torn between wanting us to open up the economy and wanting to keep things closed.  I see the damage the closed society is having on people not just economically, but emotionally.  I also understand that opening will lead to an increased loss of life, and when you know people who are sick or who have lost loved ones, it is hard support anything that would cause more grieving and sickness.

Now as I am writing this I am watching PBS News Hour where they are showing a grieving wife kneeling on cemetery grass wailing over the loss of her husband of 14 years.

Tough stuff.

My one bit of joy today came from going to the grocery store.  I took my time and loaded the cart with comfort foods–fancy cashews for my wife, Oreos for my middle daughter, ice cream for the youngest — I was able to snag the last carton of cookies and cream.  For myself, I bought a whole chicken.  I find peace at the supermarket these days.  My heroes are the people who work at the local Stop and Shop, and I wish to acknowledge all of them for the work they do and the sacrifices they are making to help keep us fed and sane.

I hope you are all finding ways to deal with these times and getting the chance to be with people you love.

Peace to all.

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